Lame Halloween Costume #2

"Princess Leia as Jabba's Slave" Costume for Dogs

Wow! This costume sure brings back memories.

Like, remember that scene in "Return of the Jedi" when Jabba had Princess Leia on a chain, and as soon as he turned his back on her she took her leash and wrapped it around his neck and strangled him with it? And she just yanked and yanked until his tongue stuck out and his eyes rolled back in his head, and she killed that big jerk who made her dress like that for his own amusement?

Great scene. I bet your dog even remembers that scene too. Your dog is probably thinking about it at this very moment, in fact.

Weekly Fanboy Update #4: The (legal) Battle for the Planet of the Apes

And so it begins...

http://www.usatoday.com/news/offbeat/2007-09-27-chimpanzee_N.htm

"VIENNA (AP) — He's now got a human name — Matthew Hiasl Pan — but he's having trouble getting his day in court.

Animal rights activists campaigning to get Pan, a 26-year-old chimpanzee, legally declared a person vowed Thursday to take their challenge to Austria's Supreme Court after a lower court threw out their latest appeal."

Some of us knew this day would come. The Austrian Supreme Court needs to consider its next steps very carefully, since their decision could very likely trigger a chain of events that may eventually end with gorillas on horseback hunting humans for sport, I tell you!

Needless to say, I've been following this case very closely. Pan the chimp actually argued his case very persuasively in court, and at one point even brought the bailiff near tears when he paraphrased Shakespeare's "Merchant of Venice" with the question "Hat nicht ein Schimpanse Augen, Ihre Ehre?" ["Hath not a chimp eyes, your Honor?"], and it looked like he was going to win his personhood right up until the point when he tossed some poo at the judge.

After that it was pretty much downhill for him.

IT'S A MAD HOUSE!!

Lame Halloween Costume #1

Yay! October! It's that magical time of year to go looking for Halloween costumes for the kids, often with vague and complex marching orders like "I wanna go as a Ron Weasley-Jawa-Ninja-Zombie-Cat!!"

Uhhh... I'll see if they have that costume, honey. But don't be disappointed if you're ahead of the costume industry curve again this year. We may need to make this one ourselves.

So anyway, I've been cruising the online costume shops, and, judging by some of the costumes out there, I have come to the conclusion that American consumers are driving this society into a deep decline.

No. I don't blame the retailers. If there was no demand for an "Isaac the Bartender from the Love Boat" costume, then there would be no supply. Isaac? That's only two steps above Horshack on the "Obscure-Cultural-Reference-o-Meter". Yeah, the model at the costume site pretty much nailed the patented "Isaac-two-handed-double-point", but that only gets you so far. Plan to spend the whole night saying, "No, I'm not that ghost waiter from The Shining who killed his kids! I'm Isaac! From The Love Boat! It was a TV show in the early 80's! Remember? Gopher? Doc? Charo? Koochie-koo? *Sigh* Fine then. You must kill your family Mr.Torrance".

So now, it was either Leo Buscaglia or Spock's brother from StarTrek V that once told me to "share the pain", so I thought I'd spend some time this month sharing with you some of the most inexplicably lame costumes out there. None of this is made-up, sadly.

Car Air Freshener Baby Costume

Okay, just off the top of my head, I have a few questions for the people who would dress their child up like a car air freshener:

1. Why do you hate your child?

2. When did you first realize you hated your child?

3. Have you considered the fact that dressing your child like a car air freshener might be a sign that maybe you aren't ready for parenthood?

4. What terrible and traumatic thing happened to *you* when you were young that makes you lash out by dressing your child as something that is hung from a rearview mirror.

and finally...

5. Your child clearly has no choice in the matter and so can't be blamed for going as a car air freshener for Halloween. But what's *your* excuse?: