HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

My Latest Project: Fort Folsom

Okay, if some of you have been thinking lately "that guy writes like he's high on Liquid Nail fumes" I feel I owe you an explanation. My latest "spiraling out of control" backyard project:

Fort Folsom!

So anyway, some you already know about the Winchester Mystery Playhouse (pictured right) I built in my backyard for my kids. You know the drill - if I don't stop adding to it the Indian spirits will get me, yadda yadda yadda. But about a month back the kids told me they wanted a “guard tower” next to it. No, I don’t know what they’re expecting to guard *against*, but whatev. Unimportant.

Architecturally my son told me they were thinking like a Hogan’s Heroes type tower (awww - chip off the ol' block) – sort of a roofed box on top of “A” shaped supports. But at a certain point, my high school geometry kicked in, along with my parental sense-of-safety, (and also the realization that a 1940’s German-style guard tower in the backyard wouldn’t win me any sensitivity points with the neighbors) and realized that such an idea was not exactly structurally-sound – way too top-heavy for boisterous kids. So instead we now have something that, architecturally-speaking, looks more like a sort of American frontier-style fort tower with an enclosed lower story, or maybe more like Big Ben. And it’s going to be nearly as tall as Big Ben when I’m done, despite myself. It’s about 15 feet tall. It’s quite a bit taller than the basketball hoop in the foreground there already.

Unlike Big Ben, it won’t have a clock on it though. Yes, I thought about it, but then pictured myself on “48 Hours” years from now being asked “So did you realize at the time that you were a bad parent when you built your kids a clocktower they could climb with their BB guns?”

By the way, I’m thinking the big rocks at the bottom may not be the best ground cover for around the bottom of this thing. Or maybe falling on the rocks below will build character. That which does not kill us, and all.


Here's a side view, now with the roof on:

As you can see, it dwarfs the playhouse in the back there (recently redubbed "HQ") and the basketball hoop now. I'd put a flag pole on top, but it's so tall I'm afraid it would burn up in the atmosphere, and a burning flag would send the wrong message about me to the town and neighboring communities who would be able to see it.

Yes, I built the roof separately and *then* hauled it up there and woodscrewed it into place. This is something I would strongly recommend against any of you trying at home. Let me make the back-breaking mistakes for you. I'm trained, you know.

I haven't wind-tunnel tested it, but I think I'm good up to a 100 mph winds. Above 100mph, it becomes the neighbor's problem. I may need to put some rubber snakes on top though if eagles start nesting in it. Whether my waterproofing holds is an open question.

Here's a front view. Honest to god - that's my cell-phone camera giving it the "Leaning Tower of Pisa" look:



Those 1st floor windows are on hinged wood frames and are made of plexiglass, because I'm "Mr. Safety" as you know. Well, not enough to move the rocks from around the bottom, but enough to worry about the effects of shattering glass on my kids play environment. As you can see there in the background, from here the kids have a good vantage point in case anyone mounts a swimming pool-based amphibious landing.

You can also see I put an overhang over the front window, to keep the water out. Hah hah - yeah right. I'm not sure why I bother. But it does accomplish that Disney-esque Main Street USA "forced perspective" thing where you make the building look taller by making the upper floor look smaller and... and... yeah. You're not the first person to say I'm putting too much thought into this thing.


Here's the view from the back:

Here you see the ladder and hand rails up to the "observation deck" and that brown door on the right opens into the first floor, which my kids have named "the armory". Awww... kids say the darndest things, though I did build a locking cabinet for the BB guns in there, so it's not too far off the mark.

You can also see the hinges on that side window. There is a trap door you can't see that goes between the two floors - only ten by ten inches. I meant it for the kids to just pass stuff between the floors, but they can fit through it, so it's now the "Emergency Exit" in case the ladder is blocked by, I dunno, bear attack or something.

Again, that's my camera making the vertical lines look all unlevel, at least for the most part. The top doesn't really splay out like that, though that would be a cool look. Sort of a "Frontier Smurf Mushroom" thing. But unless I buy my lumber from a ship-builder, the beams only come in straight lines.

Yeah - those are concrete blocks that make up the "patio" below the ladder. Once again, call me "Mr. Safety".

And finally, an inside view. This is the reverse, inside view of the above picture.:



That's a flashlight hanging in the corner on one of the hooks. Sadly, from this view you can't see the awesome job my daughter did woodstaining (intentionally) the floor, or the cabinet or the hot tub or the ping pong table. Well, those last two I made up.

And no, the kids do not use the chair and flashlight to interrogate enemy combatants.... at least I hope not. Perhaps the less I know the better. It's called "plausible deniability".

Anyway, all I gotta do now is paint and check the CC&Rs on regulations regarding mounted searchlights and then the Indian spirits can come get me.